Save a hippogriff, ride a wizard
by John Matthew's Girl
Summary: Dramione two-shot. Draco is quite the Casanova and one of the girls decides to get back at him by sending him a howler that sings the biggest hit in the Wizarding World. "Save A Hippogriff, Ride A Wizard." He's determined to find out who it was. And one night he finds a certain someone in the prefects bathroom and she's singing... Lemony goodness ensues.


This is an OOC, slightly AU prefect fic with much lemony goodness!

 _Author's note. All credit for the howler part goes to my friend Brandy. She suggested it as we were talking about this. The inspiration for this came from an image I saw in a Harry Potter group that I'm in on Facebook and it said, "four things at Hogwarts I'd like to ride." And it showed a hippogriff, a broom, the Hogwarts Express and Draco. There's a song by the country duo Big & Rich called "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" and I realized how well it would work here. I reworked the lyrics a bit to make it fit the Wizarding World and I retitled it to "Save A Hippogriff, Ride A Wizard." And I'm imaging it as being a real song in the Wizarding World. I didn't do the whole song, but I will include the parts I did do. Standard disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing save from the original lyrics I added and my original ideas. But Hermione, Draco, all of J.K.'s many amazing ideas? Not even. And I sure don't own this song and I can't say I'd want to, as horribly cheesy as it is. And please read the notes at the end of chapter two for additional information. And a guest reviewer made a good point that I will clarify in chapter two _

Here are my lyrics.

 **"Cause I saddle up my hippogriff**

 **And I fly into the city**

 **I make a lot of noise**

 **'Cause the witches**

 **They are so pretty**

 **Flying up and down Diagon Alley**

 **On my old stud Buckbeak**

 **And the girls say**

 **Save a hippogriff, ride a wizard**

 **Everybody says**

 **Save a hippogriff, ride a wizard.**

 **"I'm a thoroughbred**

 **that's what she said**

 **in my bed**

 **As I was gettin' buzzed on Firewhiskey**

 **Out on some back Hogsmead road.**

 **We were flying high**

 **Fine as wine, having ourselves a magical and sexy time.**

 **And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go.**

 **But her evaluation**

 **of my wizard reputation**

 **Had me begging for salvation**

 **all night long**

 **So I took her out hunting full moon pansies**

 **Introduced her to my old snake**

 **And sang her every Led Zeppelin song I could think of**

 **And we made love"**

"Oh, Draco. Care to give me a ride and save that poor hippogriff? 'Save a hippogriff, ride a wizard,'" singsonged Eloise Midgen. Draco gritted his teeth and just continued stalking down the hallway. He absolutely loathed that song, which was why half the girls in school evidently saw fit to sing it to him. He could have used the Avada Kedevra on The Wand Brothers for writing it! It was bad enough that it was so incredibly cheesy, but to have all the girls in school choose to mock him with it because of what happened with that bloody hippogriff, Buckbeak, was simply beyond the pale. He knew that they also sang it at him because he had a reputation for having gone through more girls than someone with a bad cold goes through tissues and it was admittedly a rather deserved reputation. Ever since discovering sex at the age of 15, he quite naturally took an extreme liking to it and being that he was a Malfoy, more girls than he cared to count threw themselves at him and he had his pick. He had read nearly every sex book known to wizard and mugglekind and had also learned a lot from an older Slytherin girl who had taken it upon herself to tutor him in how to pleasure a woman and how to be a good lover. And when looking for something at Malfoy manor, he came across books that belonged to his father and they detailed the many wonderful aphrodisiac spells, charms and potions that existed. All that added up to him garnering a reputation for being utterly fantastic at shagging. He could and did have nearly any girl he wanted. He always made sure that they knew the score though and to not expect anything from him beyond a one night stand or a short fling. He never approached girls who were known boyfriend hunters or anything like that. And he never messed with underclassmen.

The next day, he was eating breakfast when an owl he didn't recognize came soaring over to him. It held a red envelope which it dropped in front of him and then flew off. It was a howler. He blinked at it in shock. There was no reason for him to be receiving one. He'd been doing exceptionally well in his classes and had been behaving himself. Well, as much as a Slytherin will behave oneself. He knew he couldn't not open it, so he figured he may as well get it over with. He opened it and the first thing he saw was "Cause I saddle up my" and then it flew out of his hand and a very lovely girl's voice began to sing that song to him. It ended with a chorus of girl's voices saying "Draco Malfoy, you're the randiest guy in school. And we have proof. If any of the upperclassmen here want to see that proof, go to the library right away." Then it blew a raspberry at him and shredded itself. He sat there flabbergasted. Proof? What bloody proof? Unless... Oh no. But how? Those were hidden!

The teachers were calling for order, but the students evidently didn't care because they all got up en masse and started rushing to the library. Reluctantly, he got up and joined them. Once he fought his way through all the underclassmen at the door, it had been charmed so that no one under 15 got in, and he got in there, it was indeed as he feared. Someone had stolen his private photo collection and charmed them to float around in the air. There he was with Melinda Bobbin, who would have thought someone that quiet would be such a screamer? And there he was with Victoria Frobisher, who enjoyed being tied up. And there was Mandy Brocklehurst, who had turned out to be quite kinky. And on and on the pictures went of him in many compromising positions. Although it didn't escape his notice that none of them showed any breast or genitalia nudity and that the girl's faces had been carefully obscured. He guessed that whichever girl had done this hadn't wanted to get in too much trouble if she got caught, and explicit nudity would indeed do that and he further guessed that whoever had done this hadn't wanted to humiliate these girls by showing their faces. Or have the other house witches declare war on the Gryffindor witches. However, he did notice that not all of his conquests were there and he wondered why not. Whoever had charmed the photos was bloody brilliant. Because after they had been viewed by all the upperclassmen, they swarmed over to him and rained down on his head. Then a message appeared in the air in red letters and it read _"Draco Malfoy, this is our revenge on you. For too long you've shagged your way through half the school with no consequences. Not anymore. Let it be known that Draco Malfoy is a freak who likes to film girls without their permission!"_ And then the letters faded. He just stood there in shock. He had to hand it to whichever Gryffindor girl had organized this, it was genius. But that girl had gotten one thing wrong. He always sought out the permission of girls before he filmed them with his charmed camera and was respectful of the decision of the girls who declined to be filmed. He rapidly realized he had one of two options, either own this or pitch a fit. And a fit didn't exactly befit Slytherin's prince. And besides, he was kind of enjoying the way a lot of the girls were starting to look at him. In a very sly and appraising way. He put on his most cocky and charming grin and looked at the Gryffindor girls, none of whom he had yet shagged, "if you Gryffindor girls weren't so stuck up and prudish, you could have had the best sex of your life." "Oh yeah. From who?" Asked one Gryffindor who he couldn't see. "From me of course. I know I have a reputation and all I can say is that I live up to it." He looked at some of the girls he had shagged and raised an eyebrow and said, "right, ladies?" There were a bunch of nervous tittering and then lots of nods from the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff girls he'd been with. With the exception of that one older and now graduated Slytherin girl, he never slept with fellow Slytherins. Not only were they more like sisters than anything else to him, it was also too big of a risk for him to consider. Slytherin girls were especially good at revenge. "And because it would only be a Gryffindor girl who would be courageous enough to do such a thing, I wonder if any of you are brave enough to put your money where your mouth is? I'm going to figure out who sent me this howler and I'll make her pay in the most delicious way possible. I hope you enjoyed the show." The teachers showed up just then and began dispersing all the students. Granger started berating all of her Housemates and threatening to take points away from any Gryffindors who had shown up. He quickly muttered "Evanesco Draconium" and all the pictures disappeared and went back to his room. And with that, he pivoted on his heel and strode out of the library. His brain immediately began working feverishly to figure out who could have done this. He started working his way through all the Gryffindor girls in his head. First, he immediately discounted all the Gryffindor girls he knew couldn't sing because this wasn't from a singing charm. Songs recorded via singing charm always sounded a bit off and unnatural. And whoever had recorded her rendition of the song was a great singer with a very warm voice. He then discounted the girls under 15 simply because this smacked of something an older Gryffindor would do. And he discounted all the girls with boyfriends. He discounted all of the rumored and confirmed prudes because there was no way a prude could have stomached looking at all those pictures, let alone charming them like that. And that left him with about 20 girls, all of whom he observed over the following weeks in hopes of finding _the girl_. Surprisingly, there wasn't much of a punishment from the teachers other than a stern admonishment to respect other student's privacy and an three hours detention for each student who had shown up.

He started with Julia McGuiness as she seemed a likely candidate until he happened upon her singing and realized that a dying water buffalo sounded better.

Then it was on to Evie Clarins, who was a great singer and quite attractive, but then he spied her in the library with some guy and it was obvious from the way that she kept slapping his hands away as he tried to cop a feel that she was a total prude.

Tracy Finnigan seemed like a decent candidate as she was rumored to be one of the loosest girls in Gryffindor and was a great singer. Until he found out that she had a secret boyfriend.

Then it was Alice Higgins who seemed like a very likely candidate because he knew she fancied him and she sang in the Hogwarts chorus. But his hopes were dashed when he was listening in on a bunch of Gryffindor girls and the conversation turned to sex and she was such a prude that she wouldn't even say the word.

Beth O'Connell seemed to be it for sure. She wasn't a prude and was a fantastic singer and had the kind of personality that would befit sending someone a howler like that. Until he learned that she hated his guts.

Then there was Amy McAllister. She was one of the hottest Gryffindor girls by far and he'd seen the looks she gave him. But when she had to recite a poem for the study of ancient texts class and almost fainted, he realized she had terrible stage fright and would have never had the guts to sing aloud like that.

Then it was Felicity St. James. He knew she had a huge crush on him and was one of the bravest Gryffindors as evinced by the times she'd tried to kiss him. He was quite relieved when he found out it wasn't her. She was more homely than Longbottom and twice as pathetic.

Next was Tiffany Henstridge. She was the trifecta. Gorgeous, great singer and rumored to have shagged half of Gryffindor and seriously fancied him. Until he learned that she was extremely insecure and had only shagged all those guys while quite drunk.

It was onto Anna Flannagan. She seemed likely. She was very pretty and quite fancied him and she wasn't a half bad singer. Until he realized that there was a reason she'd been sorted into Gryffindor and not Ravenclaw. She was a total airhead and wouldn't have the creativity to come up with sending him a howler like that.

Then it was onto Mary Dooley. She was a decent singer and attractive enough. But she was another one who hated his guts and even had his face on a dartboard that she took extreme delight in hurling darts at.

And then there was Gina McAdams. Then he recalled that he'd shagged her best friend and that friend had gotten the wrong idea and been very hurt. He'd felt bad and all, but Gina took it upon herself to enact revenge by cursing him with a penis shrinking hex. He shuddered at the memory. No way it was her.

Zoe Finestra was a fantastic singer and had the creativity to do something like that. But he learned that she was completely lacking in deviousness and therefore would never even think of something like that.

Athena Papadakalis was next. He hoped it might be her. She was gorgeous with an enormous rack and he had it on good authority from several fellow Slytherin boys that she didn't hate them nearly as much as she let on. His hopes were dashed once he learned that she'd taken a bloody chastity vow!

April Wong seemed promising. She was pretty and a good singer. Until he learned that she was painfully shy and would faint before she looked at him twice.

Chloe Stueben was next. She was decent enough. A bit loud mouthed for his tastes, but attractive enough and a good singer. But then he recalled the rumor that the reason she had never had a boyfriend was because she fancied girls and he dimly remembered that she'd been found snogging some random girl after getting sloshed at the Yule Ball.

Daisy Clark was another prospect. Not the prettiest girl, but decent enough and she was certainly wiley enough to do something like that. But she had dreams of becoming an Auror and never looked up from studying long enough to pay attention to music, let alone fancy a guy.

Shirley Turner was next. She was attractive in a punk/goth way and was rumored to fancy him. Until he learned that she was a total music snob and would never dream of singing something so cheesy.

Stephanie James was okay as prospects went. Pretty enough and rumored to have spread her legs for half of Hogwarts. But then he learned that the rumors were just that. Rumors. In actuality, she was straight up terrified of sex for some reason.

Leigh Gardner was next. She was a good singer and had a pretty face, but wore oversized clothing and it was very hard to discern what her body was like. She was yet another girl who fancied him. But then he learned that her brother was also in Gryffindor and was a hulking guy who threatened to the rip the arms off of any guy who so much as looked at her wrong after some guy had broken her heart. She didn't even date.

Last but not least was Theresa Andersson. Attractive if you liked the Nordic type and a fairly good singer. Then he learned that she'd sworn off dating or sex for a year to take time to find herself or some bloody nonsense like that.

Draco was stumped. He could not understand it. He'd gone through every prospect and all were wrong in one way or another. He considered that it might be another house. But Hufflepuffs were plain too nice, Ravenclaws never lifted their heads from a book long enough to even think of something like this and this wasn't quite devious enough for Slytherins and they were too loyal in any event. He once again considered that it might be a younger Gryffindor girl, but none of the ones he could think of would do something like this. Especially since he never messed around with underclassmen.

He turned it over and over in his brain for the next few weeks until one day he was strolling the grounds of Hogwarts, running through girls again and he heard a girl singing. And it was her! He recognized that voice clear as day. He hurried over to the stream, but the singing abruptly ceased and all that was left was a Gryffindor scarf with a few dark hairs clinging to it and the lingering scent of some light perfume. Well, at least he had his confirmation that it was a Gryffindor.

Over the next week, he kept hearing snatches of her singing, but she always seemed to disappear right before he got to where she'd been.

It was driving him positively mad and that perfume that she wore was starting to haunt his dreams! He kept smelling it in class and he knew it was one of the girls there, but he didn't know who. He immediately dismissed all the young girls because the perfume was something much too sophisticated for them and he dismissed all the bad singers and the known prudes. Which left him with a narrow list of prospects. All of which he'd already discounted.

He was about to throw in the towel and give up. It was seeming less and less likely that he'd find this girl. The next week, late one night after a particularly grueling Quidditch practice, he let himself into the prefects bathroom for a long soak and immediately stopped dead in his tracks. Because the bathroom was filled with that perfume and there was singing coming from one of the shower stalls! And it was her voice! He couldn't believe it! This narrowed it down to almost nothing! Hannah Abbott, Hermione Granger, Padma Patil and Pansy Parkinson were all the female prefects. He ran through them in his mind. Hannah was dating Longbottom and was positively mad about him, so there was no way it was her. Pansy was a rubbish singer at best and besides, he'd briefly dated her, but they had no chemistry and she wouldn't have done something like this. Padma was way too stuck up and had her nose too buried in a book to even care to do something like that. Which left Granger. He almost laughed aloud. That girl had to be the biggest prude in her house and flat out hated him.

He figured that the only way to find out was to sneak over to the shower stalls and see who it was. After a muttered "Silencio," he crept over to the showers and went to the one that the singing was coming from. She was singing "Body Moves" by DNCE and doing a great job at it. Who knew the prefects bathroom had such great acoustics? The curtain was cracked just a bit and he put his eye to the crack and got his first look at the singer. And he almost fell over in shock when he saw who it was. Because it was Granger! He couldn't believe it!

His initial shock quickly morphed into a much bigger shock once he'd looked Granger over several times and realized that she was even more attractive than he had thought. She had flawless creamy skin, her back was to him and it showed nice muscle tone, then she turned slightly and he saw that she had a nice pair of perky breasts which were just the right size, a small waist and a far curvier arse than her robes ever let on and some very shapely hips that flowed into long legs that were nicely toned and she had no hair between her legs. He couldn't believe that she'd been hiding a figure as sexy as this under her dowdy wardrobe! And now that he really looked at her face, he saw that her hair had been tamed a lot and was many lovely shades of brown and she was very pretty in that kind of girl next door way with clear skin and sparkling brown eyes and a cute smattering of freckles and a pretty smile.

He knew that Gryffindors had a reputation for bravery, but this was brave even for one of them. Who would have thought that Granger would have it in her? Especially when she such a prude that he didn't think she even thought of guys in that way. But it certainly did fit her personality. He stepped back from the shower and started contemplating what to do with this information. Truth be told, he'd deeply fancied her for years, but had never held out hope that she would ever return the feeling after he was such a git to her during their first few years at Hogwarts. He could blackmail her, but she didn't have anything he really wanted. He could simply hold this knowledge over head and taunt her with it. Just as he was considering his third option, he realized that the singing had ceased and it had gotten very quiet save for the sounds of the water running. Then he heard a soft moan come from inside the shower. It was followed by some panting and then a longer and louder moan. Then came the biggest shocker of all, he heard her moan his name. "Draco. Oh, Draco."

She couldn't be? Could she? No way, no how. This was bloody Granger. She hated him! Figuring he'd misheard and wanting to be sure the moaning wasn't because she had hurt herself, he put his eye back to the crack and what he saw nearly brought him to his knees.


End file.
